Being an Optimist - Part 1

OK, so maybe you hate optimists. You have thisPERMANENCE
picture in your mind of someone mindlessly watchingPessimists give up easily because they believe the
Pollyanna on the late show until three o'clock in thesituation is permanent. The bad events will continue
morning, then rising at 5:00 A.M. and singingand always be a part of their lives. An optimist
"Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah" in the shower until the entirebelieves the causes of bad events are temporary.
household is awake, causing a bad start to anHere's an example you may find in your own
otherwise perfectly OK day. A far more discerningrelationships:
look at optimists shows that they are life's bigPESSIMIST: "You never talk to me:" OPTIMIST: "You
winners. They are richer, more successful, healthier,haven't talked to me lately."
do better in school, and have both betterWhen things go wrong, everyone experiences a
relationships and marriages. Linda S. Wilson, Presidentmomentary sense of failure. How quickly you bounce
Emerita of Radcliffe, says: "I'm an optimist. Optimismback is reflective of this dimension of permanence.
is the expectation that we can make things better.PERVASIVENESS
For example, in the face of pending illness, assumeSome people let failure pervade every aspect of
that it has the probability of coming out OK. It'stheir lives. If you lose your job, your role as a wife or
important not to have a defeatist attitude." What'sa daughter or a volunteer has not diminished one bit.
different about optimists is that they areDr. Seligman says it comes down to this: universal
tough-minded and creative when faced withversus specific explanations. "People who make
adversity. Optimism is high mental energy. Fran Shea,universal explanations for their failures give up on
President of E! Entertainment, says: "I think optimismeverything when a failure strikes in one area. People
is something you have to put effort into. I'mwho make specific explanations may become helpless
optimistic by nature, but society is so sped up, andin that one part of their lives yet march stalwartly on
that contributes to the overwhelm mode. Not havingin the others."
time to prioritize works against optimism."PERSONALIZATION
CONVENTIONAL WISDOM: Optimists can't handleWhom do you blame when something goes wrong?
reality.Those who internalize blame tend to have low
THE REALITY OF SUCCESS: Optimists are the mostself-esteem, feeling unloved or unworthy, while the
skillful manipulators of reality.opposite is true for those who place the blame
The Reality of Optimismoutside themselves.
Individuals who are more optimistic report themselvesBecoming an optimist
to be more alert, more proud, more enthusiastic,This section will take you, step by step, toward
active, and engaged. These individuals are less likelybeing an optimist. The more optimistic you become,
to get depressed. Dr. Richard J. Davidson, Professorthe more your mood will lift.
of Psychology and Psychiatry at the University ofBecoming an optimist means learning a set of skills
Wisconsin-Madium, has studied the biology ofthat help you to talk to yourself when you confront
optimism and found optimists have higher levels offailure, a setback, or a tragedy. You'll do that by
natural killer-cell activity with a smaller decline underchanging the way you explain events to yourself.
stress, so they are more capable of fighting disease.Technically, Dr. Seligman calls it the ABCDE
Optimists also have lower levels of the stress(Adversity, Belief, Consequence, Disputation,
hormone cortisol. All these observations add up toEnergization) method. Here's an example of how to
solid biological advantages that may help explain whyfight pessimistic thoughts by changing the way you
optimists are generally so much more successful thanexplain bad events.
pessimists.ADVERSITY
Creating the Reality of OptimismYou've gotten up at the crack of dawn, made the
Much of what follows in this section is born ofbeds, called two new clients, and are about to leave
conversations with Professor Martin Seligman, Ph.D.,for work when your four-yearold flips his breakfast
author of the acclaimed bestseller Learned Optimismonto the floor. You totally lose it and scream at the
and the world's leading authority on optimism,little tyke, who gives you a look of bewilderment.
helplessness, and explanatory styles.BELIEF
Overcoming helplessness"I'm a lousy mother. I just can't do it all. I'm providing
The number one stumbling block to reaching successa miserable example of how to behave and can't
for most people is that they do not genuinely believeeven be nice to my own children. My children will
that they can succeed. They have learned, overgrow up to be hostile people who deal with the
time, how to become helpless. This condition, whichworld through the prism of anger and frustration.
Dr. Seligman calls "learned helplessness," is at the veryThey'll never amount to much of anything:"
heart of pessimism. We invent a million differentCONSEQUENCE "I'm depressed."
excuses as to why we can't do something - and youDISPUTATION
know what ... as a result we can't. The sad truth isA good way to dispute any charge is to imagine that
that we are creating our own flawed destiny throughyour worst enemy said that to you. You wouldn't
pessimism. Dr. Seligman says pessimism is abelieve that you were a lousy mother and would
self-fulfilling prophecy: "Twenty-five years of studyargue the point SO, ARGUE! Like a lawyer launching
have convinced me that if we habitually believe thatan attack on a hostile witness, prepare the following
misfortune is our fault, is enduring, and will underminearguments to counter your pessimistic thought.
everything we do, more of it will befall us than if we- Make your belief factually incorrect with evidence.
believe otherwise.... If we are in the grip of this view,Look at all the evidence showing you that in fact
we will get depressed easily, we will accomplish lessyou're not a lousy mother - you take good care of
than our potential, and we will even get physicallyyour children, get them to school on time, read to
sick more often. Pessimistic prophecies arethem ... you just had a bad moment.
self-fulfilling." Pessimists are more passive and less- Decatastrophise the implications of the situation.
likely to take steps to avoid bad events and lessOK, You yelled. Just how bad is that? Does that
likely to do anything to stop them once they start.mean your child won't graduate from Harvard or will
Who are you? Are you an optimist or a pessimist?become an ax murderer? Yelling once is just not a
Which category do you fall into? The typical pessimistcatastrophe.
believes that when something bad happens, it will last- Search for alternative explanations for your
a long time, that the event has underminedbehavior. Focus on the causes that are changeable,
everything he's ever done, that it's entirely Ills fault.specific, and nonpersonal. For instance, you were up
The pessimist imagines the worst, is prone toall night with a new baby and just felt a little cranky.
depression, and generally feels helpless. The optimistThat's a long way from being a bad mother.
believes that a bad event is temporary and- Look at the usefulness of your belief. How useful or
surmountable, that it's a cause of bad luck or otherproductive is it for you to think you're a lousy
people. The optimist is unfazed by defeat and feelsmother? Does that really help you be a better
the bad event is a challenge to overcome. He or shemother? Often, it's simply better to get on with
easily regains energy and above all feels in control.what you have to do, to distract yourself, than to
How you explain life's events to yourself determinesdwell on destructive beliefs.
if you are an optimist or pessimist. For pessimists,We will continue the road on, Being an Optimist, next
those events are explained by Professor Seligman'swhen we look at Energization and Immunization.
three "p's" of pessimism.