| OK, so maybe you hate optimists. You have this | | | | PERMANENCE |
| picture in your mind of someone mindlessly watching | | | | Pessimists give up easily because they believe the |
| Pollyanna on the late show until three o'clock in the | | | | situation is permanent. The bad events will continue |
| morning, then rising at 5:00 A.M. and singing | | | | and always be a part of their lives. An optimist |
| "Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah" in the shower until the entire | | | | believes the causes of bad events are temporary. |
| household is awake, causing a bad start to an | | | | Here's an example you may find in your own |
| otherwise perfectly OK day. A far more discerning | | | | relationships: |
| look at optimists shows that they are life's big | | | | PESSIMIST: "You never talk to me:" OPTIMIST: "You |
| winners. They are richer, more successful, healthier, | | | | haven't talked to me lately." |
| do better in school, and have both better | | | | When things go wrong, everyone experiences a |
| relationships and marriages. Linda S. Wilson, President | | | | momentary sense of failure. How quickly you bounce |
| Emerita of Radcliffe, says: "I'm an optimist. Optimism | | | | back is reflective of this dimension of permanence. |
| is the expectation that we can make things better. | | | | PERVASIVENESS |
| For example, in the face of pending illness, assume | | | | Some people let failure pervade every aspect of |
| that it has the probability of coming out OK. It's | | | | their lives. If you lose your job, your role as a wife or |
| important not to have a defeatist attitude." What's | | | | a daughter or a volunteer has not diminished one bit. |
| different about optimists is that they are | | | | Dr. Seligman says it comes down to this: universal |
| tough-minded and creative when faced with | | | | versus specific explanations. "People who make |
| adversity. Optimism is high mental energy. Fran Shea, | | | | universal explanations for their failures give up on |
| President of E! Entertainment, says: "I think optimism | | | | everything when a failure strikes in one area. People |
| is something you have to put effort into. I'm | | | | who make specific explanations may become helpless |
| optimistic by nature, but society is so sped up, and | | | | in that one part of their lives yet march stalwartly on |
| that contributes to the overwhelm mode. Not having | | | | in the others." |
| time to prioritize works against optimism." | | | | PERSONALIZATION |
| CONVENTIONAL WISDOM: Optimists can't handle | | | | Whom do you blame when something goes wrong? |
| reality. | | | | Those who internalize blame tend to have low |
| THE REALITY OF SUCCESS: Optimists are the most | | | | self-esteem, feeling unloved or unworthy, while the |
| skillful manipulators of reality. | | | | opposite is true for those who place the blame |
| The Reality of Optimism | | | | outside themselves. |
| Individuals who are more optimistic report themselves | | | | Becoming an optimist |
| to be more alert, more proud, more enthusiastic, | | | | This section will take you, step by step, toward |
| active, and engaged. These individuals are less likely | | | | being an optimist. The more optimistic you become, |
| to get depressed. Dr. Richard J. Davidson, Professor | | | | the more your mood will lift. |
| of Psychology and Psychiatry at the University of | | | | Becoming an optimist means learning a set of skills |
| Wisconsin-Madium, has studied the biology of | | | | that help you to talk to yourself when you confront |
| optimism and found optimists have higher levels of | | | | failure, a setback, or a tragedy. You'll do that by |
| natural killer-cell activity with a smaller decline under | | | | changing the way you explain events to yourself. |
| stress, so they are more capable of fighting disease. | | | | Technically, Dr. Seligman calls it the ABCDE |
| Optimists also have lower levels of the stress | | | | (Adversity, Belief, Consequence, Disputation, |
| hormone cortisol. All these observations add up to | | | | Energization) method. Here's an example of how to |
| solid biological advantages that may help explain why | | | | fight pessimistic thoughts by changing the way you |
| optimists are generally so much more successful than | | | | explain bad events. |
| pessimists. | | | | ADVERSITY |
| Creating the Reality of Optimism | | | | You've gotten up at the crack of dawn, made the |
| Much of what follows in this section is born of | | | | beds, called two new clients, and are about to leave |
| conversations with Professor Martin Seligman, Ph.D., | | | | for work when your four-yearold flips his breakfast |
| author of the acclaimed bestseller Learned Optimism | | | | onto the floor. You totally lose it and scream at the |
| and the world's leading authority on optimism, | | | | little tyke, who gives you a look of bewilderment. |
| helplessness, and explanatory styles. | | | | BELIEF |
| Overcoming helplessness | | | | "I'm a lousy mother. I just can't do it all. I'm providing |
| The number one stumbling block to reaching success | | | | a miserable example of how to behave and can't |
| for most people is that they do not genuinely believe | | | | even be nice to my own children. My children will |
| that they can succeed. They have learned, over | | | | grow up to be hostile people who deal with the |
| time, how to become helpless. This condition, which | | | | world through the prism of anger and frustration. |
| Dr. Seligman calls "learned helplessness," is at the very | | | | They'll never amount to much of anything:" |
| heart of pessimism. We invent a million different | | | | CONSEQUENCE "I'm depressed." |
| excuses as to why we can't do something - and you | | | | DISPUTATION |
| know what ... as a result we can't. The sad truth is | | | | A good way to dispute any charge is to imagine that |
| that we are creating our own flawed destiny through | | | | your worst enemy said that to you. You wouldn't |
| pessimism. Dr. Seligman says pessimism is a | | | | believe that you were a lousy mother and would |
| self-fulfilling prophecy: "Twenty-five years of study | | | | argue the point SO, ARGUE! Like a lawyer launching |
| have convinced me that if we habitually believe that | | | | an attack on a hostile witness, prepare the following |
| misfortune is our fault, is enduring, and will undermine | | | | arguments to counter your pessimistic thought. |
| everything we do, more of it will befall us than if we | | | | - Make your belief factually incorrect with evidence. |
| believe otherwise.... If we are in the grip of this view, | | | | Look at all the evidence showing you that in fact |
| we will get depressed easily, we will accomplish less | | | | you're not a lousy mother - you take good care of |
| than our potential, and we will even get physically | | | | your children, get them to school on time, read to |
| sick more often. Pessimistic prophecies are | | | | them ... you just had a bad moment. |
| self-fulfilling." Pessimists are more passive and less | | | | - Decatastrophise the implications of the situation. |
| likely to take steps to avoid bad events and less | | | | OK, You yelled. Just how bad is that? Does that |
| likely to do anything to stop them once they start. | | | | mean your child won't graduate from Harvard or will |
| Who are you? Are you an optimist or a pessimist? | | | | become an ax murderer? Yelling once is just not a |
| Which category do you fall into? The typical pessimist | | | | catastrophe. |
| believes that when something bad happens, it will last | | | | - Search for alternative explanations for your |
| a long time, that the event has undermined | | | | behavior. Focus on the causes that are changeable, |
| everything he's ever done, that it's entirely Ills fault. | | | | specific, and nonpersonal. For instance, you were up |
| The pessimist imagines the worst, is prone to | | | | all night with a new baby and just felt a little cranky. |
| depression, and generally feels helpless. The optimist | | | | That's a long way from being a bad mother. |
| believes that a bad event is temporary and | | | | - Look at the usefulness of your belief. How useful or |
| surmountable, that it's a cause of bad luck or other | | | | productive is it for you to think you're a lousy |
| people. The optimist is unfazed by defeat and feels | | | | mother? Does that really help you be a better |
| the bad event is a challenge to overcome. He or she | | | | mother? Often, it's simply better to get on with |
| easily regains energy and above all feels in control. | | | | what you have to do, to distract yourself, than to |
| How you explain life's events to yourself determines | | | | dwell on destructive beliefs. |
| if you are an optimist or pessimist. For pessimists, | | | | We will continue the road on, Being an Optimist, next |
| those events are explained by Professor Seligman's | | | | when we look at Energization and Immunization. |
| three "p's" of pessimism. | | | | |