| OK, so maybe you hate optimists. You have | | | | their lives. An optimist believes the causes |
| this picture in your mind of someone | | | | of bad events are temporary. Here's an |
| mindlessly watching Pollyanna on the late | | | | example you may find in your own |
| show until three o'clock in the morning, then | | | | relationships: |
| rising at 5:00 A.M. and singing | | | | |
| "Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah" in the shower until the | | | | PESSIMIST: "You never talk to me:" OPTIMIST: |
| entire household is awake, causing a bad | | | | "You haven't talked to me lately." |
| start to an otherwise perfectly OK day. A far | | | | |
| more discerning look at optimists shows that | | | | When things go wrong, everyone experiences a |
| they are life's big winners. They are richer, | | | | momentary sense of failure. How quickly you |
| more successful, healthier, do better in | | | | bounce back is reflective of this dimension |
| school, and have both better relationships | | | | of permanence. |
| and marriages. Linda S. Wilson, President | | | | |
| Emerita of Radcliffe, says: "I'm an optimist. | | | | PERVASIVENESS |
| Optimism is the expectation that we can make | | | | |
| things better. For example, in the face of | | | | Some people let failure pervade every aspect |
| pending illness, assume that it has the | | | | of their lives. If you lose your job, your |
| probability of coming out OK. It's important | | | | role as a wife or a daughter or a volunteer |
| not to have a defeatist attitude." What's | | | | has not diminished one bit. Dr. Seligman says |
| different about optimists is that they are | | | | it comes down to this: universal versus |
| tough-minded and creative when faced with | | | | specific explanations. "People who make |
| adversity. Optimism is high mental energy. | | | | universal explanations for their failures |
| Fran Shea, President of E! Entertainment, | | | | give up on everything when a failure strikes |
| says: "I think optimism is something you have | | | | in one area. People who make specific |
| to put effort into. I'm optimistic by nature, | | | | explanations may become helpless in that one |
| but society is so sped up, and that | | | | part of their lives yet march stalwartly on |
| contributes to the overwhelm mode. Not having | | | | in the others." |
| time to prioritize works against optimism." | | | | |
| | | | PERSONALIZATION |
| CONVENTIONAL WISDOM: Optimists can't handle | | | | |
| reality. | | | | Whom do you blame when something goes wrong? |
| | | | Those who internalize blame tend to have low |
| THE REALITY OF SUCCESS: Optimists are the | | | | self-esteem, feeling unloved or unworthy, |
| most skillful manipulators of reality. | | | | while the opposite is true for those who |
| | | | place the blame outside themselves. |
| The Reality of Optimism | | | | |
| | | | Becoming an optimist |
| Individuals who are more optimistic report | | | | |
| themselves to be more alert, more proud, more | | | | This section will take you, step by step, |
| enthusiastic, active, and engaged. These | | | | toward being an optimist. The more optimistic |
| individuals are less likely to get depressed. | | | | you become, the more your mood will lift. |
| Dr. Richard J. Davidson, Professor of | | | | |
| Psychology and Psychiatry at the University | | | | Becoming an optimist means learning a set of |
| of Wisconsin-Madium, has studied the biology | | | | skills that help you to talk to yourself when |
| of optimism and found optimists have higher | | | | you confront failure, a setback, or a |
| levels of natural killer-cell activity with a | | | | tragedy. You'll do that by changing the way |
| smaller decline under stress, so they are | | | | you explain events to yourself. Technically, |
| more capable of fighting disease. Optimists | | | | Dr. Seligman calls it the ABCDE (Adversity, |
| also have lower levels of the stress hormone | | | | Belief, Consequence, Disputation, |
| cortisol. All these observations add up to | | | | Energization) method. Here's an example of |
| solid biological advantages that may help | | | | how to fight pessimistic thoughts by changing |
| explain why optimists are generally so much | | | | the way you explain bad events. |
| more successful than pessimists. | | | | |
| | | | ADVERSITY |
| Creating the Reality of Optimism | | | | |
| | | | You've gotten up at the crack of dawn, made |
| Much of what follows in this section is born | | | | the beds, called two new clients, and are |
| of conversations with Professor Martin | | | | about to leave for work when your |
| Seligman, Ph.D., author of the acclaimed | | | | four-yearold flips his breakfast onto the |
| bestseller Learned Optimism and the world's | | | | floor. You totally lose it and scream at the |
| leading authority on optimism, helplessness, | | | | little tyke, who gives you a look of |
| and explanatory styles. | | | | bewilderment. |
| | | | |
| Overcoming helplessness | | | | BELIEF |
| | | | |
| The number one stumbling block to reaching | | | | "I'm a lousy mother. I just can't do it all. |
| success for most people is that they do not | | | | I'm providing a miserable example of how to |
| genuinely believe that they can succeed. They | | | | behave and can't even be nice to my own |
| have learned, over time, how to become | | | | children. My children will grow up to be |
| helpless. This condition, which Dr. Seligman | | | | hostile people who deal with the world |
| calls "learned helplessness," is at the very | | | | through the prism of anger and frustration. |
| heart of pessimism. We invent a million | | | | They'll never amount to much of anything:" |
| different excuses as to why we can't do | | | | |
| something - and you know what ... as a result | | | | CONSEQUENCE "I'm depressed." |
| we can't. The sad truth is that we are | | | | |
| creating our own flawed destiny through | | | | DISPUTATION |
| pessimism. Dr. Seligman says pessimism is a | | | | |
| self-fulfilling prophecy: "Twenty-five years | | | | A good way to dispute any charge is to |
| of study have convinced me that if we | | | | imagine that your worst enemy said that to |
| habitually believe that misfortune is our | | | | you. You wouldn't believe that you were a |
| fault, is enduring, and will undermine | | | | lousy mother and would argue the point SO, |
| everything we do, more of it will befall us | | | | ARGUE! Like a lawyer launching an attack on a |
| than if we believe otherwise.... If we are in | | | | hostile witness, prepare the following |
| the grip of this view, we will get depressed | | | | arguments to counter your pessimistic |
| easily, we will accomplish less than our | | | | thought. |
| potential, and we will even get physically | | | | |
| sick more often. Pessimistic prophecies are | | | | - Make your belief factually incorrect with |
| self-fulfilling." Pessimists are more passive | | | | evidence. Look at all the evidence showing |
| and less likely to take steps to avoid bad | | | | you that in fact you're not a lousy mother - |
| events and less likely to do anything to stop | | | | you take good care of your children, get them |
| them once they start. | | | | to school on time, read to them ... you just |
| | | | had a bad moment. |
| Who are you? Are you an optimist or a | | | | |
| pessimist? Which category do you fall into? | | | | - Decatastrophise the implications of the |
| The typical pessimist believes that when | | | | situation. OK, You yelled. Just how bad is |
| something bad happens, it will last a long | | | | that? Does that mean your child won't |
| time, that the event has undermined | | | | graduate from Harvard or will become an ax |
| everything he's ever done, that it's entirely | | | | murderer? Yelling once is just not a |
| Ills fault. The pessimist imagines the worst, | | | | catastrophe. |
| is prone to depression, and generally feels | | | | |
| helpless. The optimist believes that a bad | | | | - Search for alternative explanations for |
| event is temporary and surmountable, that | | | | your behavior. Focus on the causes that are |
| it's a cause of bad luck or other people. The | | | | changeable, specific, and nonpersonal. For |
| optimist is unfazed by defeat and feels the | | | | instance, you were up all night with a new |
| bad event is a challenge to overcome. He or | | | | baby and just felt a little cranky. That's a |
| she easily regains energy and above all feels | | | | long way from being a bad mother. |
| in control. | | | | |
| | | | - Look at the usefulness of your belief. How |
| How you explain life's events to yourself | | | | useful or productive is it for you to think |
| determines if you are an optimist or | | | | you're a lousy mother? Does that really help |
| pessimist. For pessimists, those events are | | | | you be a better mother? Often, it's simply |
| explained by Professor Seligman's three "p's" | | | | better to get on with what you have to do, to |
| of pessimism. | | | | distract yourself, than to dwell on |
| | | | destructive beliefs. |
| PERMANENCE | | | | |
| | | | We will continue the road on, Being an |
| Pessimists give up easily because they | | | | Optimist, next when we look at Energization |
| believe the situation is permanent. The bad | | | | and Immunization. |
| events will continue and always be a part of | | | | |