| How can anyone with the brain of a cockroach make | | | | people, to depend on what you picked up as a |
| such a stupid statement?So rang out the scorn of a | | | | youngster is a poor way to shape your life into a |
| killer talk show host on a television station in | | | | successful affair. In our conventional behavioral |
| Cleveland. When I was on tour in his city, John Kelly | | | | patterns many mistakes have been handed down |
| quoted Leo Derocher who said just the opposite -- | | | | from generation to generation. At home you were |
| "Nice guys finish last." Kelly also quoted from books | | | | probably socialized not to ask embarrassing questions |
| like Winning Through Intimidation, Looking Out For | | | | of your elders. At school you were expected to |
| Number ONE and possibly, Succeeding With A Swift | | | | memorize the correct answers. And if you are like |
| Kick To the Groin.John Kelly had done everything | | | | most people, you are still waiting for someone to ask |
| except put a dunce-cap on my head as he seated | | | | the right questions so you can show what a good |
| me on a stool before the cameras and, despite his | | | | student you were.Unfortunately for your welfare, no |
| complete ignorance of what I was teaching, | | | | one is ever going to ask them, since most of the |
| proceeded to ridicule my leadership seminar for | | | | answers you learned in school are no longer |
| managers, pastors, teachers and other professionals. | | | | appropriate. Yet -- millions of men and women who |
| He held my book up for the audience of some three | | | | would never imagine crossing the country by covered |
| hundred people -- with tens of thousands more | | | | wagon instead of jet aircraft, who would never take |
| watching from their homes, and asked;Who can | | | | some medicine man's snake-oil cure, try to succeed in |
| believe this drivel? Everyone on earth knows that a | | | | life by using methods that were outdated a century |
| nice guy or gal hasn't a choice in this lousy, rotten | | | | ago. And then can't understand why they aren't |
| world. You gotta be tough and mean to be | | | | among the successful achievers.Today, men and |
| successful. Everywhere! How many agree with me | | | | women are having to cope with complex events that |
| that this stuff is nonsense? Raise your hands.That | | | | are affecting their lives in many crucial ways. |
| was premature since no one there had any idea | | | | Medicine, personal behavior, education, entertainment, |
| what I was teaching in the seminar, but they voted | | | | sexual customs, engineering and business methods |
| as Kelly asked them to. Many had preconceived | | | | are all changing more rapidly than at any time in |
| notions and about two hundred people in the studio | | | | history. We no sooner get comfortable than life rolls |
| agreed with John. He then asked, How many agree | | | | over once again, forcing us to learn an entirely new |
| with -- he didn't actually say it -- this dunce on the | | | | set of attitudes, activities and relationships!And yet, |
| stool, but his non-verbal communication made his | | | | not one of the changes sweeping over us like Pacific |
| meaning quite clear. John was all geared up to take | | | | waves crashing onto a reef, has such critical |
| me apart for writing something he didn't understand. | | | | implications when making one's life count for |
| He pointed to the overwhelming number of hands in | | | | something satisfying as the attitudes that people |
| the air and said; Take it from there, Doc. Let's see | | | | now hold toward power and control.The John Wayne |
| how you handle this rejection. He sat down in the | | | | or John Rambo mystique (Tell the jerks what to do!) |
| audience, as all three cameras zoomed in close -- to | | | | doesn't motivate competent persons any more. If it |
| watch me sweat, I suppose. Because I knew what | | | | ever did! For example, since the disasters caused by |
| my program was all about and he didn't -- I | | | | fighting the wrong people, in the wrong place, at the |
| countered by agreeing with the host. I said;If you | | | | wrong time -- during America's shameful wars against |
| consider a nice guy or gal a doormat, a wimp, a | | | | poor, dark-skinned Third World nations such as |
| marshmallow -- I agree with you completely. Such a | | | | Vietnam, Libya, Panama, Granada, Lebanon, Somalia |
| person doesn't have a chance to succeed in a tough, | | | | and others, many perceptive women and men have |
| competitive world in which many other persons are | | | | lost faith in our institutions.We see Congress and |
| striving for the same things we want for ourselves. | | | | state Legislatures consistently selling out to the |
| The tough-minded guys and gals will run over the | | | | highest bidder, business organizations disposing of the |
| wimps in a very short time. I, however don't think of | | | | faithful employees who do their best work at the |
| the doormats of the world as truly nice guys and | | | | drop of a point on Wall Street, the criminal justice |
| gals. I see nice persons as competent and intelligent | | | | system with trigger-happy cops and politically |
| persons who understand the nature of influence, | | | | ambitious district attorneys regularly convicting and |
| cooperation and persuasion power -- as those | | | | legally murdering unfortunate, mostly poor, minority |
| who;MANAGE INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS | | | | men who couldn't possibly have committed the |
| WITH KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOMSHARE THE | | | | crimes for which they are being executed. The very |
| REWARDS OF ACHIEVEMENT WITH THE MEN AND | | | | flexible morality of primitive politicians, greedy |
| WOMEN WHO HELP THEM SUCCEEDCREATE | | | | business executives, powerful governmental officials |
| COMMUNITIES OF SATISFIED ACHIEVERS IN | | | | and existentially enraged citizens who feel the |
| WHICH EVERY PERSON IS A RESPECTED | | | | execution of any minority man whether guilty or not |
| MEMBERAnd that, I said to the group, is my definition | | | | is a good day's work -- is a weak reed upon which to |
| of a nice guy or gal, of an authentic, emotionally | | | | lean.Every person with a smattering of intelligence |
| honest parent, teacher, manager, pastor, military | | | | realizes he or she is out there on the bubble -- pretty |
| officer or what have you!I folded my arms and sat | | | | much alone -- on his or her own, much of the time. |
| back on the stool -- waiting, for I had said all I | | | | Few of us without the support of government or |
| intended to in defense of NICE GUYS AND GALS. So, | | | | great wealth have the power needed to demand |
| I waited and waited -- for John to rouse up from his | | | | cooperation from others. Not long ago a middle-aged |
| confusion. I could almost hear the gears whirring in his | | | | local realtor told me of an experience he had with his |
| head as first one cam- era and then another zoomed | | | | youthful secretary. Dan said that Dianne was a |
| in on me and then on to John and panned the | | | | hardworking, high-spirited employee who was |
| audience be- fore coming back to me and John -- for | | | | competent and loyal enough to become his |
| almost a minute. And that, is an eternity of dead | | | | administrative assistant. He said, she reminded him of |
| time on television. The camera operators were | | | | the flippant young secretary in the T V series THE |
| getting frantic when John finally stood, shook his | | | | PRACTICE. But he began to notice, to his middle age |
| head to clear his thoughts and muttered right on the | | | | displeasure, that she was dressing more and more |
| air;Well, I'll be damned! I never thought of nice guys | | | | casually, as if she were going to a picnic rather than |
| that way.Most people don't but we then had a great | | | | to a business operation. So, he called her into his |
| time on his show. I convinced him my approach is by | | | | office and tactfully asked her to dress according to |
| far the best way to succeeding throughout life, | | | | his code -- the long accepted business code set by |
| rather than by clawing and screaming, trying to | | | | such giants as I B M, General Motors and Honeywell. |
| defeat everyone else, destroying the relationships | | | | The young woman sat silently as he spoke, but |
| that create friend- ship and love, clogging your | | | | when he finished, she stood up and said quite |
| arteries and corroding the plumbing that keeps you | | | | pointedly;Who needs this crap in an informal business |
| alive -- with bile and acids boiling through your | | | | such as this?Then she walked out of his office, |
| vascular and digestive systems.John had the people | | | | returned to her desk, and continued to work harder |
| vote again and this time all but two men of the three | | | | and smarter for his small company than any assistant |
| hundred or so in the audience voted that nice guys | | | | he had ever employed. As he related the story, Dan |
| and gals did indeed have a greater chance at success | | | | sighed deeply and said there was little he could do |
| if they followed my view of sound relationships. They | | | | about her impertinence, unless he wanted to cut off |
| immediately saw the wisdom in my approach and I | | | | his nose to spite his face. He could protect his ego |
| trust that you also shall understand it that way! The | | | | against an outspoken girl -- could fire her of course, |
| next Sunday, after I'd returned to Minneapolis, I drew | | | | and really teach her a lesson, forcing her to take |
| my pastor aside, told him my tale and joked;If you | | | | unemployment pay, a month or two of subsidized |
| had my percentage of conversions, we'd have the | | | | vacation, and get a job with a company that would |
| largest congregation in the country!MAKING YOUR | | | | not be so stuffy about the way she dressed. But, he |
| LIFE COUNTThis course is about people and about | | | | would be the real loser. He would spend a month |
| succeeding or failing in life, since some degree of | | | | trying to find a suitable replacement, another three or |
| success and failure are the only real options that are | | | | four months trying to help the newcomer learn the |
| open to us. It is written with the knowledge that | | | | job, and another six months blaming himself for |
| neither power nor pleasure exists in a vacuum. | | | | letting his ego cost him a year's efficiency in his |
| Virtually everything good we do in life requires the | | | | office. He kept his mouth shut and retained a great |
| cooperation of people in different ways. And every | | | | assistant -- for he lacked the power to make her |
| one of them has his or her own agenda that is | | | | comply with his requirements.Indeed life does go on |
| personally important.Therefore, you will have to | | | | and we must adapt, must cope with reality in order |
| overpower, out-skill, deceive, or persuade others | | | | to succeed, even if doing so makes us suspect that |
| before society will consistently allow you to share in | | | | the world is going to hell in a handcart, because |
| the marbles, money, passionate lovers, prestige or | | | | humans hate change inordinately and yearn to freeze |
| promotions you want. Only in this way can you make | | | | life as it was when we were learning it. Even when |
| your life count for something worthwhile.Of course, | | | | doing so costs us a bundle. Many people do just that |
| few of the people who are succeeding are willing to | | | | because personal prestige is more important to |
| share their hard-earned knowledge with you. Mentors | | | | themselves than performance or profits, but it |
| are hard to find and they always want much in return | | | | quickly leads to dysfunctional families, schools, |
| for any help they offer.The purpose of this course is | | | | companies, churches and communities.Visit our |
| to teach you how to predict the attitudes and | | | | website at Wishes, |
| activities of the men and women you must influence | | | | Jard DeVilleThe Author - Jard DeVille, after his World |
| every day in order to keep your life successful. It | | | | War II era service in the Seventh and Fifth Army Air |
| also shows you how to influence their choices in | | | | Forces, studied, ministered to several congregations |
| ways they approve by using sound methods of | | | | and taught college psychology for almost two |
| personal effectiveness. You can do these things by | | | | decades. DeVille was Psychology Department Chair at |
| learning and using powerful techniques developed by | | | | Westminster College, Director of the Kenosha Child |
| some very good psychiatrists and psychologists. | | | | Conservation Center in conjunction with the |
| These methods are unknown to most people, | | | | University of Wisconsin at Madison and taught |
| although professional therapists, consultants and social | | | | leadership psychology for years in the Executive |
| workers have been using them for decades with | | | | Development Program for the University of Arizona |
| much success.Most people struggle through life the | | | | at Tucson. He served as Manager of Engineering |
| best way they can, succeeding once in a while, but | | | | Research, Methods and Training for UniRoyal chemical |
| more often failing because they never learned how | | | | complex and as Vice President of Manufacturing for |
| to consistently make good things happen when and | | | | automated farm tools in Derardean Corporation.Jard |
| where they are needed. They simply blunder along -- | | | | has published more than a score of psychology |
| accepting whatever the luck of the draw offers | | | | books, seminars and psychological assessment |
| them daily, never really taking charge of their | | | | instruments. His book NICE GUYS FINISH FIRST was |
| relationships in a mutually rewarding manner that | | | | powerful in English, Japanese and Spanish editions. |
| keeps people cooperating with them.Many persons | | | | THE PSYCHOLOGY OF LEADERSHIP was New |
| try to succeed by using the values, attitudes, | | | | American Library's offering in their Executive |
| expectations, and skills they chanced on in childhood. | | | | Development Series. For twenty years he was |
| Unfortunately, in this age of relentless change, when | | | | considered by many to be America's foremost |
| power and authority are shared by more and more | | | | leadership scholar. |