Nice Guys Really Finish First - Really?

How can anyone with the brain of a cockroach makepeople, to depend on what you picked up as a
such a stupid statement?So rang out the scorn of ayoungster is a poor way to shape your life into a
killer talk show host on a television station insuccessful affair. In our conventional behavioral
Cleveland. When I was on tour in his city, John Kellypatterns many mistakes have been handed down
quoted Leo Derocher who said just the opposite --from generation to generation. At home you were
"Nice guys finish last." Kelly also quoted from booksprobably socialized not to ask embarrassing questions
like Winning Through Intimidation, Looking Out Forof your elders. At school you were expected to
Number ONE and possibly, Succeeding With A Swiftmemorize the correct answers. And if you are like
Kick To the Groin.John Kelly had done everythingmost people, you are still waiting for someone to ask
except put a dunce-cap on my head as he seatedthe right questions so you can show what a good
me on a stool before the cameras and, despite hisstudent you were.Unfortunately for your welfare, no
complete ignorance of what I was teaching,one is ever going to ask them, since most of the
proceeded to ridicule my leadership seminar foranswers you learned in school are no longer
managers, pastors, teachers and other professionals.appropriate. Yet -- millions of men and women who
He held my book up for the audience of some threewould never imagine crossing the country by covered
hundred people -- with tens of thousands morewagon instead of jet aircraft, who would never take
watching from their homes, and asked;Who cansome medicine man's snake-oil cure, try to succeed in
believe this drivel? Everyone on earth knows that alife by using methods that were outdated a century
nice guy or gal hasn't a choice in this lousy, rottenago. And then can't understand why they aren't
world. You gotta be tough and mean to beamong the successful achievers.Today, men and
successful. Everywhere! How many agree with mewomen are having to cope with complex events that
that this stuff is nonsense? Raise your hands.Thatare affecting their lives in many crucial ways.
was premature since no one there had any ideaMedicine, personal behavior, education, entertainment,
what I was teaching in the seminar, but they votedsexual customs, engineering and business methods
as Kelly asked them to. Many had preconceivedare all changing more rapidly than at any time in
notions and about two hundred people in the studiohistory. We no sooner get comfortable than life rolls
agreed with John. He then asked, How many agreeover once again, forcing us to learn an entirely new
with -- he didn't actually say it -- this dunce on theset of attitudes, activities and relationships!And yet,
stool, but his non-verbal communication made hisnot one of the changes sweeping over us like Pacific
meaning quite clear. John was all geared up to takewaves crashing onto a reef, has such critical
me apart for writing something he didn't understand.implications when making one's life count for
He pointed to the overwhelming number of hands insomething satisfying as the attitudes that people
the air and said; Take it from there, Doc. Let's seenow hold toward power and control.The John Wayne
how you handle this rejection. He sat down in theor John Rambo mystique (Tell the jerks what to do!)
audience, as all three cameras zoomed in close -- todoesn't motivate competent persons any more. If it
watch me sweat, I suppose. Because I knew whatever did! For example, since the disasters caused by
my program was all about and he didn't -- Ifighting the wrong people, in the wrong place, at the
countered by agreeing with the host. I said;If youwrong time -- during America's shameful wars against
consider a nice guy or gal a doormat, a wimp, apoor, dark-skinned Third World nations such as
marshmallow -- I agree with you completely. Such aVietnam, Libya, Panama, Granada, Lebanon, Somalia
person doesn't have a chance to succeed in a tough,and others, many perceptive women and men have
competitive world in which many other persons arelost faith in our institutions.We see Congress and
striving for the same things we want for ourselves.state Legislatures consistently selling out to the
The tough-minded guys and gals will run over thehighest bidder, business organizations disposing of the
wimps in a very short time. I, however don't think offaithful employees who do their best work at the
the doormats of the world as truly nice guys anddrop of a point on Wall Street, the criminal justice
gals. I see nice persons as competent and intelligentsystem with trigger-happy cops and politically
persons who understand the nature of influence,ambitious district attorneys regularly convicting and
cooperation and persuasion power -- as thoselegally murdering unfortunate, mostly poor, minority
who;MANAGE INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPSmen who couldn't possibly have committed the
WITH KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOMSHARE THEcrimes for which they are being executed. The very
REWARDS OF ACHIEVEMENT WITH THE MEN ANDflexible morality of primitive politicians, greedy
WOMEN WHO HELP THEM SUCCEEDCREATEbusiness executives, powerful governmental officials
COMMUNITIES OF SATISFIED ACHIEVERS INand existentially enraged citizens who feel the
WHICH EVERY PERSON IS A RESPECTEDexecution of any minority man whether guilty or not
MEMBERAnd that, I said to the group, is my definitionis a good day's work -- is a weak reed upon which to
of a nice guy or gal, of an authentic, emotionallylean.Every person with a smattering of intelligence
honest parent, teacher, manager, pastor, militaryrealizes he or she is out there on the bubble -- pretty
officer or what have you!I folded my arms and satmuch alone -- on his or her own, much of the time.
back on the stool -- waiting, for I had said all IFew of us without the support of government or
intended to in defense of NICE GUYS AND GALS. So,great wealth have the power needed to demand
I waited and waited -- for John to rouse up from hiscooperation from others. Not long ago a middle-aged
confusion. I could almost hear the gears whirring in hislocal realtor told me of an experience he had with his
head as first one cam- era and then another zoomedyouthful secretary. Dan said that Dianne was a
in on me and then on to John and panned thehardworking, high-spirited employee who was
audience be- fore coming back to me and John -- forcompetent and loyal enough to become his
almost a minute. And that, is an eternity of deadadministrative assistant. He said, she reminded him of
time on television. The camera operators werethe flippant young secretary in the T V series THE
getting frantic when John finally stood, shook hisPRACTICE. But he began to notice, to his middle age
head to clear his thoughts and muttered right on thedispleasure, that she was dressing more and more
air;Well, I'll be damned! I never thought of nice guyscasually, as if she were going to a picnic rather than
that way.Most people don't but we then had a greatto a business operation. So, he called her into his
time on his show. I convinced him my approach is byoffice and tactfully asked her to dress according to
far the best way to succeeding throughout life,his code -- the long accepted business code set by
rather than by clawing and screaming, trying tosuch giants as I B M, General Motors and Honeywell.
defeat everyone else, destroying the relationshipsThe young woman sat silently as he spoke, but
that create friend- ship and love, clogging yourwhen he finished, she stood up and said quite
arteries and corroding the plumbing that keeps youpointedly;Who needs this crap in an informal business
alive -- with bile and acids boiling through yoursuch as this?Then she walked out of his office,
vascular and digestive systems.John had the peoplereturned to her desk, and continued to work harder
vote again and this time all but two men of the threeand smarter for his small company than any assistant
hundred or so in the audience voted that nice guyshe had ever employed. As he related the story, Dan
and gals did indeed have a greater chance at successsighed deeply and said there was little he could do
if they followed my view of sound relationships. Theyabout her impertinence, unless he wanted to cut off
immediately saw the wisdom in my approach and Ihis nose to spite his face. He could protect his ego
trust that you also shall understand it that way! Theagainst an outspoken girl -- could fire her of course,
next Sunday, after I'd returned to Minneapolis, I drewand really teach her a lesson, forcing her to take
my pastor aside, told him my tale and joked;If youunemployment pay, a month or two of subsidized
had my percentage of conversions, we'd have thevacation, and get a job with a company that would
largest congregation in the country!MAKING YOURnot be so stuffy about the way she dressed. But, he
LIFE COUNTThis course is about people and aboutwould be the real loser. He would spend a month
succeeding or failing in life, since some degree oftrying to find a suitable replacement, another three or
success and failure are the only real options that arefour months trying to help the newcomer learn the
open to us. It is written with the knowledge thatjob, and another six months blaming himself for
neither power nor pleasure exists in a vacuum.letting his ego cost him a year's efficiency in his
Virtually everything good we do in life requires theoffice. He kept his mouth shut and retained a great
cooperation of people in different ways. And everyassistant -- for he lacked the power to make her
one of them has his or her own agenda that iscomply with his requirements.Indeed life does go on
personally important.Therefore, you will have toand we must adapt, must cope with reality in order
overpower, out-skill, deceive, or persuade othersto succeed, even if doing so makes us suspect that
before society will consistently allow you to share inthe world is going to hell in a handcart, because
the marbles, money, passionate lovers, prestige orhumans hate change inordinately and yearn to freeze
promotions you want. Only in this way can you makelife as it was when we were learning it. Even when
your life count for something worthwhile.Of course,doing so costs us a bundle. Many people do just that
few of the people who are succeeding are willing tobecause personal prestige is more important to
share their hard-earned knowledge with you. Mentorsthemselves than performance or profits, but it
are hard to find and they always want much in returnquickly leads to dysfunctional families, schools,
for any help they offer.The purpose of this course iscompanies, churches and communities.Visit our
to teach you how to predict the attitudes andwebsite at Wishes,
activities of the men and women you must influenceJard DeVilleThe Author - Jard DeVille, after his World
every day in order to keep your life successful. ItWar II era service in the Seventh and Fifth Army Air
also shows you how to influence their choices inForces, studied, ministered to several congregations
ways they approve by using sound methods ofand taught college psychology for almost two
personal effectiveness. You can do these things bydecades. DeVille was Psychology Department Chair at
learning and using powerful techniques developed byWestminster College, Director of the Kenosha Child
some very good psychiatrists and psychologists.Conservation Center in conjunction with the
These methods are unknown to most people,University of Wisconsin at Madison and taught
although professional therapists, consultants and socialleadership psychology for years in the Executive
workers have been using them for decades withDevelopment Program for the University of Arizona
much success.Most people struggle through life theat Tucson. He served as Manager of Engineering
best way they can, succeeding once in a while, butResearch, Methods and Training for UniRoyal chemical
more often failing because they never learned howcomplex and as Vice President of Manufacturing for
to consistently make good things happen when andautomated farm tools in Derardean Corporation.Jard
where they are needed. They simply blunder along --has published more than a score of psychology
accepting whatever the luck of the draw offersbooks, seminars and psychological assessment
them daily, never really taking charge of theirinstruments. His book NICE GUYS FINISH FIRST was
relationships in a mutually rewarding manner thatpowerful in English, Japanese and Spanish editions.
keeps people cooperating with them.Many personsTHE PSYCHOLOGY OF LEADERSHIP was New
try to succeed by using the values, attitudes,American Library's offering in their Executive
expectations, and skills they chanced on in childhood.Development Series. For twenty years he was
Unfortunately, in this age of relentless change, whenconsidered by many to be America's foremost
power and authority are shared by more and moreleadership scholar.